Oh, Rats!

This next web notice is a new offering from one of Woodworker's Journal's very own authors: Ernie Conover's announcement below is a breakthrough approach to the sharpening process. - Belleditrix

"We all know the importance of sharp tools and the liberation that having a really sharp edge gives us. The enlightened, who can sharpen well, know that 'feeling' an edge with your fingers is a poor test of sharpness. In fact, a feather edge will feel sharper than a truly sharp edge by this test. Anyone that has taken a class with me has watched me shave hair off my arm as a demonstration of a truly sharp edge. This is a really good test of an edge, but beginners run the danger of cutting themselves and soon run out of hair.

"A chance encounter with a friend in the biology department of a local college brought a solution to this problem. His department was about to euthanize 250 laboratory rats because the experiment they were conducting had ended. This seemed like a bad break for the rats, who had done much to help humanity, and an idea jelled in my brain. The rats are very tame and make great pets. I have several who love to hang out in the tool tray of my workbench and don't seem to mind at all if I shave a bit of hair off them. They even think it is fun, and I have given one a poodle cut and another a mohawk. This has led me to the firm conclusion that bench rats are far better than bench dogs.

"I am able to offer you your own bench rat because there are still 247 left that are eating me out of house and home. The first 247 to respond can have their own bench rat -- absolutely free. There is a small shipping and handling fee of $49.50. We can also supply one year of food for an additional $100. Just go to www.benchratsforfree.org and click on the link to get your very own bench rat. Order a couple extra for the kids, they will love them." - Ernie Conover

Pre-finished Clothing from wudamess.com

You've been there, I've been there, your spouse says "don't go there": the state of your clothes after you've finished -- and I do mean finished -- a project is something that's often more fit for the rag bin than the clothes hamper. This woodworker asked for a solution. - Belleditrix

"Hey, guys, I wore my Armani in the shop again -- classy projects like my pine napkin holder finished with dark walnut stain deserve a little class, ya know -- and now it looks like I spilled all my au jus on it at the last fancy dinner. (OK, that happened, too, but it was a different suit.) Any ideas?" - P. Igpen

"Live with it, dude. No suds will ever get those duds clean again." - MarthaMarthaMartha

"Replacing that suit is going to take you to the cleaner's -- but wait! You no longer have to live this way! There is a solution to your problem! For only $29.99!" - Asa Sceenonteevee

"That last post is talking about Prefinished Clothing from Peoria Purveyors. It's a miracle, I'll tell ya. Everything comes pre-stained! You do have to be able to point your toes like a prima ballerina to get the pants on, due to the stiffness, but once they're on -- no worries! You're staining cherry? Order your Prefinished Pants in the cherry stain. Or you could go for a workshirt in walnut -- and I don't just mean those goofy color names in the clothing catalogs. Nope, it's prefinished with real walnut stain! Wow, why didn't anyone ever think of this before...." - C. Lotheshorse